Plan for Happiness

from Mosiah 4:11-12


The Do (Requirements)

1. Remember the greatness of God
2. Seek humility
3. Pray daily
4. Stand steadfast in the faith

The Be (Blessings)

1. Always rejoicing (happy)
2. Filled with the love of God (fulfilled)
3. Retaining a remission of sin (at peace with self)
4. Growing in the knowledge of God (wise)

The requirements seem simple, but it is often the simple tasks that get pushed aside or overlooked for the more urgent, though less important things in life.

How does one make the simple, important tasks a priority?

Lights Out

Goodnight sweetheart, well it's time to go
Goodnight sweetheart, well it's time to go
I hate to leave you, but I really must say
Goodnight sweetheart, goodnight

This is my last post for Cheer & Bless. I'm shutting the doors officially today. This blog has been so good for me. Being able to explore my feelings about the gospel and how they relate to my life experiences. Meeting so many wonderful people and being fed by your insight and encouragement. Thank you for following and commenting here. I love you and appreciate every step we have taken together.

What led me to this decision? Elder Uchtdorf's "Of Things That Matter Most." He said in his conference 2010 talk, "If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most." He goes on to say, "There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions."

Simplicity. That is what I need right now. In struggling to make EVERYTHING work I've discovered that almost nothing is working. I know in each of our lives we have many, many responsibilities. I know we all struggle, wondering if what we are giving is enough. I once had the opportunity to read a letter from a Relief Society sister to Sister Hughes (former RS general presidency). In the letter the sister expressed her feelings of failure in regards to working, being a mom and serving in the church. "We're told to give 100%," she said. "How can I do that when my time is divided by work, home and church? How can I give 100%?" Sister Hughes gave her the most beautiful response I've ever heard. She said, "You give a 100% of that 33%. That is enough." (paraphrasing).

Her words have encouraged me over the years. Every time I feel like I'm not doing enough or giving enough, I try to step back and ask myself, "Am I giving the 100% of the 25 or 33% I have available?" If so, then I am doing enough.

Right now I'm finding that I'm not giving 100% of what I could be giving. I've been spread too thin. I'm too occupied with extra things that I'm not covering the basics. So, back to the basics. Back to giving 100% to the "four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves."

I hope this rambling made sense. And I hope you've gotten as much out of Cheer & Bless as I have.

Let me close with my simple testimony of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. It has never been a matter of "did it happen?" Yes. It did happen. Christ lived and walked on this Earth. He knelt in the Garden, assumed all the sin and sorrow of mankind, and took that with him to the cross where he was crucified on my behalf that he might conquer death. And he rose three days later, have broken those bonds that I might live again as well. That happened. The question for me has been, "Can it really work for me? Can the Atonement really take MY sin and MY sorrow?" I testify that it can. I'm still learning the hows, but I bear testimony that our Savior can and will make our burdens light and heal our broken hearts. I testify that he is able and WILLING to do this for each of us individually.

Callister says in his book, The Infinite Atonement, that Christ's Atonement was an individual, not a mass atonement. When I read his words I thought of a mass grave. I saw bodies upon bodies stacked inside. Countless, nameless faces representing the sin and sorrow of  the world. This is NOT the atonement. Then I saw a graveyard with never ending tombstones in all directions. I stood at one stone that had my name, Deborah Burns, and my date of birth. By my side stood the Savior, an arm around my shoulder. In the ground were my sins, sorrows, trials and pain. Everything I had experienced and would experience. They were named and known. We grieved together at this grave site, both us knowing personally how each of those experiences felt, how each of them changed me.

He did not suffer for us as group or people. He suffered for us individually. Grave site by grave site. Tomb by tomb. He knows us "as though we are his only creation." This is my testimony, that the Lord loves us. That He knows us. And that He grieves as we grieve, weeps as we weep, and intimately understands both the pain and joy we experience in this life.

He loves you. I love you. Thank you for traveling this road with me.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

The Second Article of Faith & Me

We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.

I've been thinking a lot about this article of faith recently. A lot about what it means for my past and what it means for my future. I've been stressing over my career as a writer. Not only about the things I write but the kind of life I live and have lived. What if I actually make it? What if my books are published for the world to see? What then? And what if some reader learns more about my life than I'd like them too and then uses me as the reason for their negative choices? I know. Out of control. But that is how my hyperbolic brain works.

Enter the second Article of Faith. As I've pondered over these words two intertwining thoughts came to mind that I'd like to share.

1. I will be punished for my sins and my sins only.
Sometime between the day I was born and today I made a really grevious, horribly awful mistake. The "what" doesn't really matter because what is really grevious, horrible and awful will vary from person to person. I once had a friend who felt guilty for eating a plate full of brownies to spite her mother. Honest to grandma, the worst thing she'd ever done. In her mind that was grevious, horrible and awful. And I know others on the opposite side of the spectrum. Others whose idea of grevious, horrible and awful equates to murder and everything else is just regular sin. But getting to the point, I had a friend who, knowing of my mistake, made the same choice because, "Hey look, Deb did it. That must mean it's okay."

I carried the guilt of my choice for a short time while I figured out repentance and coming unto Christ. But the guilt of her choice I've carried for much longer. If I had been different, would she have made a different choice? If I had been stronger, would she have been saved from traveling the same painful road of repentance? Could the Atonement wash me clean of not just my sins, but hers?

Through my recent study of this article of faith I realized, finally, that though the Atonement could wash me clean of her choice, it didn't need to. I am to be punished for my sins only, not for Adam's transgression, not for friend B, and not for random stranger X. I am not accountable for the choices made by another child of God who is old enough to know better. They will answer for their own choices just as I will answer for mine. (Now, as in all things, I know there are exceptions. Want to know them? Ask the Lord.)

Which leads me to...

2. I cannot use others' choices to rationalize my own.
Nor can others use my choices to rationalize theirs. If an apostle chose tomorrow to marry 5 more wives or add a glass of wine to dinner that would NOT make it okay. It would NOT mean we have the right to add wives or wine to the dinner table. Nope! We are still accountable for our own choices, regardless of what any leader or member within the church chooses to say or do.

Most recently a member, tired of "trying" to do things the Lord's way, chose to live in opposition to His commandments. The reason? A random (former) bishop from some unknown ward stated the Church should change their opinion on this particular matter. So my friend jumped on board. If a bishop thinks the Church is wrong on this point, then it must be okay. No. It's not okay. The former bishop will be accountable for his choices. This friend will be accountable for theirs. And I will be accountable for mine.

The Lord sets a standard. He has taught me right and wrong and even the shades of grey in between. He has given me the Holy Ghost to be able to discern between the choices presented to me. On some issues he will NOT waver--like chastity. On some issues we work together on what is right for my family--like working outside the home or whether or not we should pursue adoption at this time in our lives. But no matter what I choose, I will be responsible.

It kind of reminds me of being a little kid when Mom used to say, "If he jumps off a bridge, would you do it?" Just becuase Sister Awesome jumps off the bridge of morality, doesn't make it right for me to jump too.

Men will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression. I will be held accountable for my own choices, not the choices of others. I am free to let go of the burden that has haunted me for years. Free to let go of the fear of what may be coming in my future. Because the only person I can control is me. I can only keep trying to be the best Debbie I can be and allow others the opportunity to do the same.

It seemed like such a simple Article of Faith, but it has brought me the solace for which I've been searching most of my life.

How about you? What does the second Article of Faith mean to you?

3 Ways to Stand by Our Men

Q: How many Elders Quorum members are needed to throw a ward party?
A: Zero! The Relief Society will do it for them!

Funny? Okay. Maybe not quite. But too many members have that attitude. I've seen/overheard conversations between the RS and the Elders/High Priest Quorum. I've been in meetings between the YW and YM leaders. I've even heard youth discuss the same idea.

If you want it done right, get the women to do it.

I once heard a young man opt for a lesser assignment because, in his words, he'll probably mess it up anyway. How sad is that! We joke about training men/husbands, we joke about the priesthood not being able to keep up with the women, but do we see that trickle down to our youth? Do we see our girls getting the message that you just can't expect much from boys and boys hearing that they shouldn't expect much from themselves?

It's happening. All over. And it's sad. So what can we do to change the tide? How can we better stand by our men (young and old), even when they might stumble?

1. Express gratitude for what they DO do!
I never thought of saying thank you to my husband for serving our family by going to work. That's what he's "supposed" to do, right? Sheesh, that would be like saying he should never thank me for cleaning a toilet because that's what I'm supposed to do. Sexist, isn't it. It wasn't until an FHE where one of my friends indicated that we need to acknowledge the service that goes on in our own families, like thanking spouses who work, or clean, or cook, or raise children, etc. So thank you, DH, for going to work every day. For bringing home the bacon that lets me pursue my writing career and that provides for our little family. Thank you for helping me with dishes and garbage and dogs. You rock! And I appreciate all that you do to serve our family.

2. Allow them opportunities without planning their failure.
Sometimes I don't like giving Joe a task when I "know" he isn't going to get it done. Like grocery shopping while I'm out of town. I have a tendancy to prep for vacations all on my own and then get mad at him later for not helping. Or, if I do give in a task, it's usually with some snippy remark about how he didn't do it like I wanted last time. In a church setting it's usually something like, "Priests will bring the pizza dough. Do you need the Laurels to call and remind you so you don't forget. We can't make pizza without dough." Then, later, the girls plan on bringing extra dough "just in case." In both situations we need to learn to let our men rise to the challenge without planning their failure.

But what happens if they DON'T bring the dough? Well, then you alter the activity at the time. Or you send them to the store for English muffins. You let them be accountable while also encouraging them for next time. Be patient and understanding.

3. Speak highly of them to them and others.
Even if we may not believe it at the time. Our priesthood holders of all ages need to know we support them and we trust them. If there is something specific that is of concern, we can address it directly to them. Otherwise, we shouldn't seek opportunities to put them down. I think of my friend with six wonderful boys. I'm not super concerned because they have amazing parents who honor and support eachother and who praise their children every chance they get. But I would hate for any one of them to grow up thinking they can't succeed because of the way adults joke about RS vs. Priesthood or YW vs. YM. Our husbands our human like us, and like us, they make mistakes or have weaknesses. They need to know we're not going to lynch them when they forget to stop at the store for milk. And our young men need to know that they are capable, amazing sons of God who really can accomplish anything they set their minds to, whether that is planning an activity, throwing a ward party, or pursuing whatever dream they have.

Those are just some of my thoughts. How do you help your husband/son/other men feel good about themselves? How do you reinforce that the sexes are equal? Do you believe that men and women who work together are stronger than those who work in opposition? Or are women really just "better at it"... whatever "it" may be?

Puzzles

I've been working on a puzzle recently. It's what I do when life feels out of control. I can work at a puzzle. There are only so many pieces. I have the picture for directions. And when I get tired of it, I can put it away and work at it again tomorrow. No pressure. No deadlines. I like puzzles.

But today this one showed me something besides the picture on the lid of the box. This is just a stream of consciousness. Take what you want... make what connections you will... and leave the rest.

Puzzles are a work in progress. You transform seemingly random pieces into a beautiful picture over time. I work on mine a little each day. Sometimes areas come together quickly, like Alice's hair. There are only so many yellow pieces in the box. Other areas may take longer, like the Mad Hatter's coat. It is so similar in color to the March Hare I often mixed up which piece should go where. But, as I've kept working at it, the two have eventually taken shape.

Individual pieces of a puzzle can be misleading or leave us stumped. Like I said... Mad Hatter vs. March Hare. Then there are all the white, whitish blue, light blue pieces that were needed in Alice's dress, the Mad Hatter's and March Hare's clothing and the table setting. It took lots of careful study and trying and failing to find where certain pieces where supposed to go. Sometimes I was looking at the pieces upside down or sideways.

Pieces without the context of the bigger picture are meaningless. Even when I had two or more pieces together, I still couldn't tell what I was looking at until I got it into the context of the larger picture.

Can you tell what this is?

Or this?

It's the handle of a spoon.

It's the bottom edge of a tea cup!

Context can make all the difference. Without understanding the bigger picture, sometimes the little pieces won't make sense. And even then, sometimes we still won't get it until the piece is finally placed where it belongs.

Sometimes we'll have missing pieces for awhile. We can have every piece around it in place and still come up empty. A hole in our picture. We'll wonder why we can't find it. We'll double and triple check everything and still won't have what we need to fill in the missing piece. Because sometimes we just can't see it yet. We get lost in all the other pieces on the table.

Sometimes it may not even be there to find. I separated my colors for this puzzle and put them all in separate bags. Somehow in the sorting process I put a piece of the March Hare's coat into the "red" bag of Alice's chair. I couldn't find the piece until I opened that bag.

We may need to jump around during the puzzle process.

Sometimes we can only focus on the easy stuff. Like the blue in Alice's dress or the bright green in the Hatter's hat. We may jump from one to the other and back again as we become frustrated or loose our way in the pieces. But if we keep working at it--keep turning the pieces, keep looking at all the angles, keep trying to make it fit, failing and then trying again in a new place or using a new piece--eventually we'll complete the entire puzzle.

In the hard spots we need to pay attention to the things that matter most. I'm stuck in Alice's chair right now. Lots of dark red. How will I ever put them together? But I found that if I look closely, some of those dark red pieces have black lines running through them. Some have a spot of green or a tiny bit of purple. If I'll slow down and look at the things that matter, I'll see how it comes together instead of getting lost in a sea of red.

All the pieces are needed to create a beautiful picture. No matter how weird, bizarre, or ugly a specific piece may seem, when combined with the rest the result is a masterpiece. Where would the Hatter's coat be without the puke yellow of the shading? Bland. Everything would loose depth without the grays, dark yellows, burnt oranges, and purplish hues to create shadow and interest. Take away anyone piece and the picture wouldn't be whole.

The joy is in the process, as frustrating as it can be sometimes. If I just wanted the picture, I could have bought it. But there is something about the process of putting together a puzzle that makes me happy--the joy I feel when I finally finish a section or find the missing piece or overcome a challenge. The process helps us to better appreciate and love the outcome.


I am grateful to the painter and the puzzle maker who created this. For their talent and for laying the foundation for this puzzle. The painter--for his expert use of color... for teaching me that shadows aren't black or gray, but are shades of blue and purple. The puzzle maker--for creating a pattern in the pieces that would help me create the whole... no two pieces fit together perfectly unless they are meant to.

I could force it, but if I'm patient and follow the clues of color and shape given to me, the puzzle will turn out as the creator meant it to be... a masterpiece.

Funny what one can learn from a simple child's puzzle. I like puzzles.